of stars and the moon

on sunday morning

2012-01-29T10:45:00.004+08:00

have decided on the colour of kain to buy for the girls but havent bought them yet. hope i get to buy it asap so that they can get it ready for the nikah. still a looong way to go but i dont want to trouble them by asking them to rush and jahit baju tergesa2... and i am now thinking of the three ladies who's always been there for me to be the pengapit. one for nikah, one for the reception and another for the bertandang. hehehe. and yeap, these three ladies are friends whom i dont always see, but i know they are always there when i need them :)

it's sunday. so, instead of making breakfast or going to to pasar pagi like the other normal sunday, i have my 'me time' today. no one is at home and i dont feel like going out on a sunday. haha. sunday is a rest day. aaaanddd i cannot wait for next week, monday-tuesday working, then i'll be on my leave wednesday-tuesdaaaay. hehehe. a lot of things planned to be done for the long leave im taking though :)

and so i googled and googled for inspiring life quotes. cis, i read and rely on a lot of positive quotes these days..dont know why but somehow they can make me smile and continue to be a lot more positive. yay. hey, dont judge. haha. am a pessimist trying to be an optimist. one of my 2012 resolutions. hehehhe.

my mind has a mind of its own

2012-01-19T15:31:00.003+08:00

been having sleeping problems these past few weeks. nothing big i think. just that i always wake up around 1 or 2 am and find it difficult to get back to sleep. and when it's 530am, have to force myself to get up and get ready to work. i think my mind ada a mind of its own lah. everytime terjaga masa tu lah dok terfikir this and that, nk argue with yours truly ni about this and that juga..hehe. that's y susah sket nk tidur balik.

however, this month je dh berapa kali tah lambat... ade accident lah, bangunan terbakar so jalan tutup lah..and sendiri lambat keluar rumah. haih. this is what u get if u dont want to stay kat rumah sewa near ur workplace kan..konon nk saving..hehe. but mmg waayyy cheaper for me to travel everyday pun.. sbb pakai ngv. hee :)

oh by the way, i can now cross OV from my wed prep list as ive finally booked D'Zunnur Chauntique for both nikah and reception. seriously affordable :) i know, coz i didnt plan to have an OV for the wedding pun sbb mcm costly nnt over my budget. but this one mmg i can afford, insyaallah. :)

last night mak asked bout the OP..and i am still looking for one. sebenarnye mcm x sure nk amek pakej yg mcm mana. see, i have a very fickle minded tau...tgk yg ini, nak. tgk yg itu, nak juga. cannot la like that kan.. hehe. smpai kdg2 rasa nak hire someone just to take picture je and give us the softcopy.maybe once dh settle everything baru me n ecan g edit and send for photobook or ape2 lah. a cheaper option, but still risky. ye lah, nk hire siapa? ok ke org tu? nk byr rate cmne? haaa...but i have to juga since nanti if the pictures x cantik or org tu tiba2 ade problem...menyesal je. dhla once in a lifetime nk kahwin ni.. haiyaghhh...

in love

2012-01-18T16:45:00.010+08:00

partypopperz's

asmaa's pelamin. taken from jumie samsudin's blog

filmshortartifact's

rendabelezza's

the photobooth. forgot where this is from

dedaun bridal

shima's pelamin (from fb)

of flowers

2012-01-17T14:31:00.012+08:00

my favourite flowers will always be: Calla Lilies, Orchids, Anthuriums, Daffodils, Roses and Tulips. So my hand bouquet should be any of these flowers :) suruh ecan teka pun sure dia x tau ni..haha

ive always known that full round bouquet doesnt suit me so while waiting for the boss, i did some research for the hand bouquet/hand bouquet andddd..... haha. i found that a sheath bouquet suits me better than a posy. according to google, these are the types of bridal bouquets:

a posy bouquet. cantik sangat warna dia :)

arm sheath/pageant bouquet

nosegay bouquet.. the colour combo is fun..haha

a round bouquet..

Cascade bouquet

Apparently, a small cascading flower bouquet and sheath bouquet can help to create the illusion of length while posy and round bouquet somehow make us shorter and compact. hehe. im always in for anything that makes me taller. hehehe..

so, posy and round and any large bpuquet suits taller girls as they can help balance the height and draw the attention away from the height.

and since im no skinny nor big, am thinking of a medium size sheath or cascade bouquet lah... though i love full round hand bouquet, i dont think it will look good on me. cantik, but not for me..hehe.

so for the nikah, am thinking of a small cascading bouquet of orchids..purple orchids. coz my dress would be yellow and the bridesmaids will be in purple. hence, the purple orchids.

like this..hehe

super simple kan. like, i'll just buy 2 or 3 stalks of purple orchids and tie them with a ribbon. siap. haha.

tadaaaa :D

and im still thinking about the bouquet for the reception... anthurium mcm cantik but the ones i saw at many florist mostly in big sizes so no no.. daffodils & tulips xyah lah kan.. so, that left me with roses and calla lilies lah.. *big grin*

or, calla lilies with baby's breath? we'll see... hehe.

RIP Tommy

2012-01-13T11:52:00.003+08:00

I wanted to post something else but when Mak call and cried, i knew it would be my cat :(

tommy is gone. haih. sedih sgt2. kutip dia kat kedai runcit when he was only the size of my palm..n now, after 2 years dia dh xde.

you see, org tua-tua selalu pesan jgn jd terlalu gembira and excited melampau. something bad is sure gonna happen. and last night i went to IB for Awie&Ella's concert. haih. excited melampau smpai pagi tadi x habis2 pasal awie&ella...err, and edrie hashim ;p tiba2 mak called and nangis2 bgtau tommy dh xde.

if im in my bedroom right now, i'd cry smpai tertido. last night smpai rumah tgh malam just sempat panggil n kacau2 dia from luar cage je..haih. sedih gile. i hate it when my cats die. seriously i hope i can avoid any day yg my cat mati. :(

and i dont have any of his picture. sbb i was superstitious about taking cat's pic takut dia cepat mati. haih. padahal kucing2 lain kat rumah tu byk gila lak amek gamba..but with tommy, i was just being...careful. hmm...

Scrapaperclip Giveaway Anniversary

2012-01-10T15:23:00.006+08:00

A Free A5 wedding Mini Signage worth RM40 for you :)

interested?? hehe

Step1: be their follower ----> Scrapaperclip

step 2: copy their button and put on your sidebar

step 3:spread the word on your blog

step 4: leave a comment with your blog's link and your email address on Scrapaperclip's GA entry

some more of their cute mini signage :)

.ends on the 19th of January 2012, 12 Noon.

2012-01-09T16:34:00.006+08:00

went to bangi last week to see some friends. haha. seronoknye lepak kat office lama on friday haritu. rindu sgt ngan kwn2 kat situ. sometimes i think kan, it was the best place to work..but they said things are different now..x tau cmne but diorg kata dh x best. but, where can u find a workplace yang the colleagues (though not all) treat u like a family~ haha.

and saturday pun went to bangi sbb ecan wants to check tempat exam dia for his paper tomorrow. he's on leave today katanya nk study for tomorrow. haha. i cant even help except doakan saje as i know nothing bout nuclear, atom bla bla bla.

btw, these are some pictures of my engagement album which i, DIY with the help of Phototalkz's software. bought the deal from milkadeal last year masa bulan puasa if im x mistaken. the pictures are not cantik sgt pun as we didnt hv OP for engagement. but i think this will do, saja nak simpan buat kenangan pun..

the picture x cantik sgt sbb guna camera phone saje.. and arrangement bila dia print mcm lari sikit lah..dunno why... tapi puas hati saje lah sbb byr pun just beberapa puluh saje.

as for the wedding, am still looking for an OP and OV (if ada rezeki) and last night ada ternampak this one contest... me & ecan are thinking of joining but x sure lagi. we'll see how lah. but if anyone interested, do like their fb account: eye lens photographick and join their contest ni..

try lah, who knows... rezeki :) me & ecan are still thinking.. sbb masa tunang xde gambar best. hehe.

wedding favors

2012-01-04T15:53:00.022+08:00

was inspired by Sarah's wedding favor: honey-in-a-jar so mak and I were talking bout using small jars for my wedding favors. but we havent decided of what to be put inside as we are still thinking of either homemade pineapple jam, homemade cookies/kerepek or a mix of spices. but the idea is, to use the jar :) haha. jenuhla nanti nk fill in all the jars. oh btw, didnt have any picture of sarah's honey in a jar tu sbb when i woke up the next morning, mak dh buat air dh madu tu. haha.. but hers was put in a cute box;

love the box sbb colour dia cute. hehe. (gambar curik from wawa's fb. hehe) nak gak boxes mcm ni utk isi my favors nanti but couldnt afford kot. sarah's ni siap ade nama diorg printed lg.. cantik :)

maybe dalam 800-1k kot.. oh my. but we still havent counted the balance of gelas ikea from my bro's wedding (last 2 years.hehe) the glasses my mom beli dlm 2k gak kot. sbb mula2 ingt nk bagi lebih but x jadi n we decided to simpan the balance for me or the other bro's wedding. and so maybe i wont need 1000 glass jars i hope.

my concern now is the cost for the jar and the jar's deco. ade refer kat lijah & kina, diorg borong kat QP. maybe nanti nk kene g check lah. and this weekend pun ecan ajak g saujana putra..heheheh.. leh singgah puchong kot...

tapi if dapat cari yg lebih murah...alangkah bagusnye :)

and the tq card, mula2 mmg fikir nk order je..rasenye ramai org buat bisnes ni dh. and nnt just ikat around the jar guna ribbon or if sticker, leh tampal saje pada botol or penutup dia. we'll see.

but the idea of DIY tq card pun cam best. hahaha. berangan semua nk DIY. (-.-)" but but in my defense, mmg kalau boleh nk DIY saje..nk cut cost...yours truly ni kan pengantin on a budget yg super tight. hehe.

Like this one, dia guna craft/art stamp tu kot...and gunting the paper using craft scissors then ikat ribbon.

siap ada personal note lagi. x kuase nk type panjang2 ;p

tadi while googling for wedding favors ade jumpa personalised DIY tq card gak..macam yg kat atas tu. looks doable. but the papers maybe costly lah if nk yg cantik2. hehe. InsyaAllah. tapi yg penting, will surely kira the cost semua baru decide nk DIY or mcm mana :)

of the new year

2012-01-03T14:57:00.007+08:00

didnt do much on nye except for the family bbq at atuk&nenek's house last sunday. Ecan was there too. hehe. kesian he tried hard to fit in and end up tolong bakar ayam with my cousins. well, knowing him, mmg berat sikit mulut so ok lah if dgr dia komen sikit2 n gelak2 borak :)

ah, pandai cakap ecan. if i were to be at his family bbq pun i'd have a hard time too. me & ecan, we dont talk much. senang cerita, both are socially challenged lah kot. except when im with my closest friends and him with his japanese friends. tah pape. ngan kwn2 melesia kalau tgk dia, just akan gelak2 n dgr x ckp byk sgt but when ikut dia lepak ngan bos2 or officemate jepun dia kemain berborak. terus i rasa mcm org lost kat situ. hope our kids wont end up being like mummy & daddy lah.

ok.

and so while I was just lying there, waiting to sleep..some thoughts of 2011 runs my head.

#1st qtr: Start working at a new place, nearer to the fam's house and i get to wake up super late as the office hour starts only at 9am, sometimes.. at 10am ;p

#2nd qtr: ecan is finally home for good. stared our job hunting. well, i wasnt happy at the place i was working back then ;p aaanddd the first time we get to go out & hv fun to remember the day we start calling each other mine :) and oh, his first real job finally. and the only reason dia pilih that place is, so i can work with the japanese. xpe lah, at least..he can still practice his nihongo kot, and he's happier ;)

#3rd qtr: one step closer. the engagement finally took place despite the last minute preps and drama.. and yours truly starts her new job, at a new place...hmm, still unsure whether im happy with this or not. boleh x cmtu? hehe. and oh oh, one of the bff got engaged too :) and come 2012, we both will get married selang beberapa hari saje. let's see if we can get preggy & hv baby at almost the same time ke tidak. haha

#4th qtr: nothing big :) except the whirwind of events and stress that accompany the wedding discussion & prep. wel, i guess it's true when they say tidak elok bertunang lama2, nanti byk cabarannye. yep, so true. but xpe lah, we are taking things slowly kot. settle satu-satu. at least, he is. me, i hv to be byk2 bersabar lah kot for the time being.

though we both think that the way the new year greeted us these past few days wasnt as expected..haha. i'd like to think that the rest of the year will be nice to us. InsyaAllah.

2011-12-22T09:03:00.011+08:00

yours truly was given another 2 days mc tues&wed. pffft.

btw, dalam dok ber-mc, sempat gak curik masa survey kain2 utk buat baju nikah & reception. he he he.

went to PPUM teman my mom for her check up and since the fever has gone, we went straight to check kamdar and jakel yesterday. annndddd ive finally decided on the type of fabric and the design of my nikah's dress. haha. alah, it'll be a simple kurung moden je insyaallah :) coz im looking for something that is wearable even after my wedding. classic designs are here to stay kan so maybe who knows i can pass it to my daughter for her e-day ke..haha. berangan.

anyway, the design of my baju kurung moden would be a mix of these.

source:rina's

source: simpanan sendiri.haha.my bff wedding all her bajus were made by man kajang. cantik2 semuanya.

so bye-bye baju kurung moden Rizalman yg hari tu dok sibuk i berminat sgt tu. ;p

went straight to maksu's house to discuss and check with her on the design. discussed about the kain to buy, extra kain needed for the flowy effect & lining, the baju melayu for ecan bla bla bla and she said okay and im a happy girl :)

Plus, she said she's gonna ask my cousin (her daughter yg ade business bead work) to teach me the how-to for the beadworks later so she said i can cut cost sbb boleh DIY sendiri. hehe.. she'll help me in DIY-ing the veil, tudung etc as well. yay!

and oh, since am not into tiara, am currently thinking of a few ways to wear and accesorize my tudung or maybe shawl for the nikah & reception. here's one that i found interesting :)

source: zana's

will continue looking for ideas for the tudung and veil~ seronok lak sbb skrg dh mcm2 cara pengantin style their tudung and veil... :)

2011-12-16T10:54:00.004+08:00

was down with fever since sunday. mc on monday & tuesday (bosan ah keje kl x cuti isnin tu lak)
and wednesday mmg super malas nk kerja.

anyway, didnt do much on wedding preps lagi. but i can slowly tick off the checklist now :)
thanks to tehaaaaaileviusomuchlahhhh hehe. she's gonna help me with the pictures. ala, dh try tanya2 photographer before this but ecan being ecan, and me being me...finally decided xnak hire for any wedding photoshoot. instead, we've decided to have our own photoshoot with friends. haha.

and i've so far confirmed with dear friends on some ideas for the outing-cum-photoshoot. oh btw, this will only be done somewhere end of May or June or even before Ramadhan next year as i've to wait for ya and syai's delivery in April/May :D

so i've talked to ecan and the ladies of my "highschool sweethearts" idealah. and they've agreed. well, siapa yg x suka kaaaan.. can visit sekolah and all those places yg we used to lepak masa outing di zaman remaja dulu. hehe. aaanddd i finally have the excuse and time to take teha to my kampung utk amek gambar sawah padi! sorrryy lama gila promise but mcm x pnah bwk2 pun. now i have all the reason to bring you kan :)

me and ecan first met in school. alah, duduk boarding school ni mmg la hari2 tgk muka org yg sama kan? but but i didnt know him at all smpailah we all in form 3, in 2001. he sat in front of me in class. hee heee and i always always always bully him and ask him to do my maths hw. see, i super suck at maths and numbers. that's y i dont hv my ticker yet. and that's y i pursue arts, not science. alasan. and he is the one yg introduce me comics. especially conan. haha. ingat lagi that time he and amai (the person sitting next to him) kondem ckp 'poyo gile x reti baca komik" and since then, i'll be looking under his desk if ada any new comics mesti curik n baca. lama2 addicted.haha. life took us to different paths but we still contact2 each other la gak and 8 years later, we started going out together, online. haha. and finally, he's home for gooodddd and we're getting marrieeddddd. weee.

ok, melalut ke laut.

the thing is, im thinking of visiting our school with my girlfriends and ecan so that we can reminisce and take some photos at the same time. boleh la guna those photos for some deco during the wedding kan..

another outing is planned somewhere earlier kot. maybe in April. but it is sooo difficult to get the other ladies ni together since semua org mmg busy. but will try schedule something nanti. these are my uni friends :) and i know sgt2 that possibilities are, they will have some crazy ideas pasal photoshoot ni. will talk to them later lah kot. but they've already know of my plan pun.

As for th OP for the nikah and reception and bertandang, ive managed to contact this one photographer based in shah alam and we've agreed to meet somewhere next week. really hope everything will be okay. penat dah survey2 wehhhh...

p/s: tenha, thanks much. thanks thanks thanks :)

kecik gila gamba ni T____T

btw, this is us in 2002 if x salah la.. tgh cari balik gambar2 lama yang ade both of us together. malangnye sikit gila gambar. ciskek betul. apesal la dulu aku byk menggedik amek gambar dgn org2 x berkenaan. kalaula tau akhirnye akan kawin ngan si ecan ni, mmg dari dulu lg la aku nk rajin bergambar ngan dia. leh konon2 "walk down memory lane" masa malam nikah nnt ;p hahaha.

small gifts that means so much

2011-11-30T09:18:00.006+08:00

well, at least to me. :)

how cool it is to receive gifts and thank you cards from the person celebrating her own birthday and anniversary.. :) and to know that she went to see everyone in the department to thank them for inspiring her and siap bagi small gift (she said: a token of aprreciation for everyone for making her life a better one), is somehow..wow. ala, hadiah kecik2 je..like mentos (which i tak makan sbb x pernah try ;p) and cokolat.

she holds an oku card. but if u can see her, you can never tell what's her problem is. neither do i. I only got to know that she is when the other kakaks told me bout it but i dont really ask much. simply because i think she is perfectly okay. very very polite, kind and humble. she's among the first one yg tegur on the first few days i report duty kat sini. and today is her 53rd birthday... she came to my office thanking me simply because she said I looked afraid on my first day but i managed to brave myself to stay, making friends with everyone so ive inspired her to work harder and not to care of umpatan orang. kih kih. not sure bout the making friends la kak nur, but cis, she must have heard some of them talking bout me la tuh. haha. well, am still working on my social skills. am soo bad with making new friends and good impression. coz i only smile, no talking. haha. i talk only when needed je kot. but i can get super talkative with those i sayang and feel comfy with. hehe. anyway, found this and ughhhh. this is so describing what im trying to do now.

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."

-Mark Twain

whirlwind of events

2011-11-25T16:34:00.005+08:00

Well, I am in a whole lot of stuff right now. add that to the state of depression once i realized that the salary will only be in next month. omai..how did i survive the past 3 months without gaji pun i dont know, and to have to wait for another month. dem... :( i is totally sad x smpai hati nk tell mak that i wont be getting it this month. i hold myself so so so hard when the kerani came into my room to inform me that it wont be in this month. haih.

hish. despite the whirlwind of events, sempat jugak curi bahan2 kat dapur to de-stress myself. i made these babies:

and lunch break tadi i went to cold storage because i miss the smell and sight of fresh food.it has been nearly 3 months++ i didnt buy any groceries and cook and bake for fun. hmmpffft. at least i have my own list of cakes+cookies to bake and food to cook...well, next month. the kitchen is the best place to destress lah for me.

On a different note, the wedding prep is put on hold as ecan is super busy with his work and ehem, yours truly is penniless. We'll wait for the January's pameran pengantin to do some bookings kot. aaaah. i hate waiting. :/
btw, me and ecan is thinking of having the wedding earlier. but still, have to pujuk the parents and my brother yg kejap nk wedding together, kejap xnk. hish.

I dont know what You have in store for me but I know one day, all this will make sense. anddddd that time, I'll be saying alhamdulillah alhamdulillah non stop la mcm selalu bila tersedar diri and nampak hikmahnye when didnt go my way.InsyaAllah.

one of the best

2011-11-10T12:35:00.006+08:00

moments in life.....

rasa tenang gitu...

source

true..

2011-11-08T15:45:00.002+08:00

of commitment

2011-11-01T09:32:00.004+08:00

Commitment - i's a big word. big enough that i sometimes spelled it wrongly. Big enough- one that should not be handled lightly. having it on my shoulder this past 3 years, (that is right after i started working) has made me very pessimist and bitter. i know, dalam Islam x patut mcm ni kan. hehe.

been blogwalking for a few days and that has made me think of the original plan. that is, the plan of my wedding. You know, the initial plan that me and ecan had was simple. nothing big, nothing fancy. In fact, i was dreaming for a very simple akad nikah and a small makan2 right after the nikah. and it has to be all white except for us. haha.

that was because we wanted to get married as soon as he's back for good. not because we cant hold our hands off each other, but because we think it is the best thing to do. to make us halal for each other.

However, haruslah idea tidak disokong kan? the family says this, and the friends says that. mostly will tell us that wedding is a once in a lifetime event. so kene la meriah sikit.

byk sgt kene brainwash, i started looking for this and that, wanting and dreaming of this and that. and now, sendiri risau takut x cukup duit to pay all the things that everyone wants for the wedding.

I know, a wedding is a big event. especially for the family and friends. and i too, am hoping that it could be a very memorable day where everything is nice and everyone is happy.

but i also know that deep down i dont really want all those things. the list on the "do" side of my checklist doesnt have much as compared to the "dont". I am the kind of person who focus too much on the future thingy. The future disturb me. So i kinda think that it is better for me not to spend too much for the wedding but invest for the future.

At the same time, I have lots of financial commitments. Nobody knows much but at least i know it is for the parents and my future. so, i dont think i can spend much for my wedding and it kinda stresses me out when friends and family keep telling me to just spend and not to think too much about it for the big day. because my wants and my needs are arguing inside my head. grrr.

and when i plan to DIY most of the stuffs, some will tell me off as they think DIY for wedding will result to a less than perfect wedding. like how the commented on my engagement. hmm...

tapinye, dok nk dgr ckp org je manjang pun pening2kan kepala. entahlah. i just hope that i can do a lot and spend less for the big day. I'd rather spend the money on for our honeymoon at the end of next year or, pay the deposit for our first house together. rumah mahal weh skrg ni @.@ i keje gomen je. mana nk mampu beli kalau dok tunggu lama2 lagi... and we both work in the city centre. lagi la pening.

Kesimpulannya, nk kawen tu senang. akad nikahnya tak sampai satu minit pun tapi prosesnya, alahai. Tuhan je yg tau. Mana nk fikir pasal keluarga, wang hantaran, duit belanja kawen, duit nk pakai mulakan hidup lepas kawen lagi~

and if are lucky enough to get married with the help from your family or if duit dalam bank ada byk sbb selama ni dapat saving sendiri b4 ada commitment lain, alhamdulillah je lah. jangan la asyik ckp kat org lain yg kamu x faham kenapa org selalu ikat bertunang or buat decision nk kawen tu agak lama sbb tgh kumpul duit. coz truth is, mmg la org tu tgh kumpul duit kot... at least dia dh start mengumpul kan. bkn x langsung. haha. dari dok bising kata mcm2 kat kwn or family member tu, baik lah kalau kamu support dia, ok :)

KL is Raining and I'm thinking of the dress

2011-10-27T16:02:00.014+08:00

It is raining outside. am fasting today so hopefully i can make it on time for buka puasa coz ive eaten the last biscuit supply i have in car. i usually hv food stashed in the dashboard coz i sometimes have gastric. this habit starts since i did my Masters in UM and terpaksa meredah jem utk balik ke bangi after class.

anyway, i cant do much of my so-called DIY project yet as I still hv to watch my spending. gaji takkan masuk lg till next month. boooo hooooo :( so, what i did so far is just blogwalking and looking for ideas. but seriouslyyyyy, am still not sure whether i can even DIY or not. ha ha. not the lack of time, but i get bored super easily. maybe i'll drag my sister in law or some friends to help so i wont get bored.

oh yes yes. back to the dress. oh...the rain has stopped! ahaa

I am looking for a simple dress for the solemnization as I want to have something to remember (and to show-off to my future children/grandchildren). my parents still have their bersanding kebaya and baju melayu. A maroon-songket and they are still in good condition. exceptttt, that neither me nor ecan can fit @.@ into. heee

the reason i want the nikah dress to be simple is because i want it to be able to be worn to some other occasions after the wedding itself. aaaaand, on top of that... im a b2b on a budget. heee. so am trying to cut cost here and there as much as i can. ;p and my aunt has agreed to do it for me :D yay! she did it for free for my engagement dress as well. hee. upah is only to bake her some cakes of her choice je ;p

anyway, here are some dresses that i adore. :)

this one is unaisah azlan

This is Syomir Izwa's (picture from fb)

This is kanda Dinda with love's engagement dress. but love the way she wears the kebaya ;)

forgot where this is from. sorry. and if this is to be the inspiration for my nikah dress, i'll make it into a two-piece :)

These two are from Rizalman. cantik gilaaa but mmg x tau lah how nk buat details kat bawah baju tu kan. soooo. xpelah. cuci mata saja pun jadilah ;p btw, love the last one but am having doubts whether it'll look nice with lining inside.

heh. as much as i love these dresses, i somehow can see that the end result of my nikah dress would be something almost similar to my engagement dress but with more details sewn onto it. haha.

something like this, maybe :) taken from nabilazhar.

psstttt. got a sweeeet sms from a good friendaround 1am last night. :) made me smile and rasa nk peluk2 dia then pukul2 sbb buat i rasa malu ;p. but couldnt get to reply coz was tooo sleepy to find the right word. dear humpty dumpty, thanks! :)

@.@ bajuuu

2011-10-25T16:26:00.002+08:00

found this from http://pink-orange-theme.blogspot.com/. it's from Rizalman.

heh. sekali nampak terus jatuh hati dgn design dia....

colours! weee.

2011-10-25T08:30:00.015+08:00

I know it is kinda too early to start but no harm kan... hehe.

to decide on the theme for the big day is not easy. haha. And we have done this not-so-seriously ever since he is still abroad coz i need to subconciously influence him to like the colours i like. he he he. No laaaah... when it comes to colour, i usually go for colours that suit me and his skin tone. that's y we took quite some time to discuss bout this.

sooooo... last night was spent discussing the colour combo for the big day. it was a serious discussion, so yeah we pretty much know what we want for the bride's reception. lucky me that he loves all the choices i suggested. heee.

we were thinking of using purple as the base. (i superlove purple,so does he; after years of subconscious persuasion/influence hehe) so here are some of the combo that we love. gonna choose any one of these combo lah kiranya.

we both love the purple+green+white combo. looks fresh. hehe.

purple with a dash of yellow looks good too kan :)

purple looks bold when combined with fuchsia pink. and i know this is gonna be mak's favourite. haha. she is all pink pink and pink.

this soft purple and grey combo looks easy on the eyes, kan. macam ala-ala soothing. sesuai kalau tiba2 cuaca panas terik.

i once want the khemah to be purple and royal blue. love love love the combo but i think it'd be too dark for the khemah as the house is quite shady surrounded by treeeeesssss all over kan.. abah lah ni suka sangat tanam macam2 pokok. but softer shade of blue like the second picture ni should be nice gak kan.. lembut je..

*pics are all from google.

2011-10-23T16:07:00.006+08:00

i worry a lot about the past, the present and the future. and too afraid to open up to others as i fear of all the 'what ifs"... would like to be, oh no..am trying to be as positive and as happy as i can. so, wrapping up my weekend. cant wait for november. aaaand, december :)

grr

2011-10-21T15:40:00.006+08:00

been suffering adult acne and it became worst when i stopped the antibiotic last two months. am now taking the antibiotics again. ive tried almost everything from doc's consultation (cost me too much that i decided to abandon the consultation but still continue with the medication for a while) to the cheapest over the counter acne-prone facial products. haih.

the question is...when can i have flawless skinnnnnn??? -.-" ok, no la flawless sgt but at least, i wanna get rid of those bumps...

i dont know if this is true but i cant take evening primrose oil as it makes my acne worst. tried twice and wont take it anymore. one of the doctors i went to said that it's my hormone and another one said that my blood is dirty and my antibody cant resist bacteria. hence, the antibiotics. what is that supposed to mean, idk.

i am now taking doxycycline antibiotics. finished the 1st bottle (after a 2 months hiatus) yesterday. the last time i took it, i need 2 months (2 bottles) of doxycycline to at least control the acne. and i was advised to stop taking it and just maintain regular skincare regime once the spots are cleared, thus i stopped for 2 months. this, they said is important as long term use of antibiotics can lead to resistance of germs to the antibiotics. however, when i stopped, the spots get worst. Lucky u cant see them in the engagement pictures.

am now waiting for september, october and november's salary which i hope (i really really really hope) will be in next month. i am dying coz the cash is running really really low. and would like to go for facials and buy this thing called the Virgin Coconut Oil capsules.

Sheda told me that her sister and brother are taking and she can see the difference of their skin condition so i waaaannntttt. though it is only rm39.90, haih...i cant afford it as i am afraid that i might not get my salary in november. :( have already befriend some of the sellers in fb and i really hope that i can get it asap.

of the engagement

2011-10-20T22:25:00.010+08:00

its a month and 10 days of the engagement. wasnt a big fancy event but alhamdulillah everything went 85% well. :) managed to pull it off with seriously, limited resources and help. guess it wasnt the one ive always wanted but at the end of the day...i couldnt care less.

did the mini dais with the help of sister and brothers, did the hantaran all by myself and make-up with the help of a best friend. love the dress, love the colour combo and thank you maksu for the upah jahit yang free. good this is, she even offered to sew my nikah dress and if i want, the reception dress as well.

am going to book some of the vendors soon. cant wait no more as i plan to settle the payments by monthly installment so that i dont have to be broke the few days/weeks after the big day. oh well, still a long way to go but ive calculated almost everything so that i know i have to start early so i can finish all the payments b4 or on the big day itself.

btw, though some commented that my engagement ring is so halus (small), i beg to differ. coz i super duper love my engagement ring :)

self-reminder

2011-10-19T15:08:00.002+08:00

Got this from a blog and decided to glue it here so that i know where to find it the next time i have these little doubts (Nauzubillah)

**********************************

Aku Tak Sembahyang....Tetapi Aku Berjaya... ( Muhasabah )

by Abu Hanifah on Friday, December 3, 2010 at 5:25pm

Kita tahu bahawa ilmu itu cahaya, dan tidak akan memasuki hati-hati yang gelap, tetapi kita lihat, kawan kita yang berjudi, yang minum arak, boleh berjaya pula, sedangkan kita terkial-kial walaupun sudah berusaha. Kita tahu bahawa, siapa yang berbuat baik, taat kepada ALLAH akan dipermudahkan jalan kehidupannya, tetapi kita lihat, kawan kita ini tidak solat, tetapi bisnesnya menjadi, kita pula hidup dengan penuh cabaran dan duga. Kita juga tahu bahawa, ISLAM ini agama yang benar, tetapi kita sering melihat orang-orang yang bukan ISLAM itu lebih berjaya, dan ummat ISLAM tertindas dalam kehidupan sempit lagi derita.

Orang bertanya kepada saya. Kenapa begitu? Sekarang ini, yang manakah benar? Adakah kita faham selama ini tidak benar?

Maka saya hendak bertanya kepada anda.

Adakah anda tahu apa itu istidraj?

Istidraj ini adalah satu kalimah, yang sering menunjuk kepada keadaan seseorang itu yang terus dilimpahkan rezeki dan kejayaan yang melimpah ruah dalam kehidupannya, walaupun dia bukan hamba ALLAH yang taat, malah seorang pembuat maksiat yang tegar. Kenapa mereka ini dinamakan manusia yang mendapat istidraj? Apakakah maksud istidraj?
Istidraj adalah, apabila ALLAH memberikan kejayaan, harta kekayaan, rezeki yang melimpah ruah untuk manusia itu menjadi lebih jauh dariNya.

Biasanya, manusia yang mendapat istidraj ini adalah mereka yang tidak berusaha menjalankan ISLAM dalam kehidupan, juga tidak berusaha mengenali ALLAH SWT.

Contoh manusia yang mendapat istidraj ini banyak. Kita lihat contoh yang mudah. Qarun. Apakah anda kenal kepada Qarun? Dia ini adalah seorang manusiayang teramat kaya. Diriwayatkan bahawa, kotak yang mengisi kunci kepada gedung-gedung perbendaharaannya tidak mampu diangkat oleh orang-orang yang kuat. Hal ini hendak menyatakan betapa kayanya dia.

Kisah Qarun terdapat di dalam Al-Quran. Hartanya melimpah ruah. Segala perniagaannya menjadi. Segala pelaburannya mengembang. Hartanya makin hari makin bertambah, sedang yang bertambah semalam tidak pula luak digunakan.
Tetapi bila Nabi Musa cuba mengingatkannya berkenaan semua kekayaannya itu datang daripada ALLAH, maka Qarun dengan angkuh menjawab,

“ Tidak, semua ini adalah hasil dari ilmuku”

Lihat. Lihat apa kata Qarun. Tidak, semua ini adalah hasil dari… ILMUKU. Dia nyata semakin jauh dari ALLAH, walaupun kekayaannya menjadi, rezekinya melimpah ruah dan sebagainya. Dia saban waktu memperlekehkan pengikut-pengikut nabi Musa yang terdiri dari orang miskin dan hamba.

Apakah pengakhiran Qarun? Dia akhirnya ditenggelamkan ALLAH ke dalam bumi dengan seluruh hartanya. Kisah ini terdapat di dalam Al-Quran.

Nah… Apakah itu yang kita mahu?

Sebab itulah, saya hendak mengajak saudara-saudari berfikir, apakah yang akan timbul di dalam hati kalian apabila kalian ini jenis yang melazimi dosa-dosa, melakukan maksiat, kemudian kalian berjaya di dalam peperiksaan atau perniagaan. Apakah yang agaknya akan timbul dalam jiwa kalian?

Saya yakin, 99% akan merasa begini, “ Tengok, aku tak solat pun berjaya. Siapa kata solat tu bawa kejayaan?”
Apakah yang akan terjadi kepada anda ketika itu? Anda berjaya, tetapi anda semakin jauh dari ALLAH. Itulah istidraj.

Maka jangan gusar bila tidak berjaya. Cuba lagi. Hubungan keimanan anda dengan ALLAH itulah yang pertama sekali perlu anda perhatikan. Jika anda berjaya membina hubungan keimanan yang baik, insyaALLAH, datanglah badai apa sekalipun, anda akan mampu melaluinya.

Sebenarnya ALLAH suka menguji hamba-hambaNya yang beriman. Terdapat satu kisah yang saya suka baca ketika saya masih kecil.

Terdapat dua orang nelayan. Seorang penyembah berhala, dan seorang lagi muslim yang taat kepada ALLAH. Ketika menebar jala, yang menyembah berhala menyebut nama berhalanya, manakala yang muslim membaca bismillah. Bila jala diangkat, yang menyembah berhala mendapat banyak ikan, manakala yang muslim, hampir sahaja tiada ikan untuknya pada hari itu.

Malaikat yang melihat keadaan itu bertanya kepada ALLAH.

“ Ya ALLAH, apakah yang telah berlaku? HambaMu yang menyekutukanMu, KAU berikan dia rezeki yang banyak, sedangkan hambaMu yang menyebut namaMu, KAU tidak memberikan DIA apa-apa”
ALLAH menjawab,

“ Yang menyekutukanKu, tempatnya memang sudah pasti NERAKA. Maka apalah sangat rezeki yang pasti akan hancur itu jika Kuberikan kepadaNya? Tetapi HambaKu yang beriman itu, AKU hendak mengganjarkanNya syurga, maka AKU suka mengujinya untuk melihat kebenaran imanNya”

Nah, jangan anda kecewa bila diuji, tidak berjaya di dalam peperiksaan walau sudah studi, gagal dalam perniagaan walau kemas menyusun strategi. Itu semua adalah sebahagian dari ujian ALLAH. ALLAH menguji hanya untuk mereka yang dikasihi. Bukankah ALLAH SWT ada berfirman,

“ Apakah kamu mengira KAMI akan membiarkan kamu berkata kami beriman sedangkan kamu belum diuji?…”

Jika gagal terhadap satu-satu perkara, itu perkara itu. Anda masih belum gagal dalam kehidupan. Teruskan usaha, selagi nyawa masih ada. InsyaALLAH ALLAH akan memberikan sesuatu yang bermakna kepada anda. Bersangka baiklah kita kepada PENCIPTA kita.

Maka sebenarnya, bila hidup kita digegarkan dengan masalah, hendaklah kita rasa bersyukur. Tandanya, ALLAH masih lagi dekat dengan kita. Ujian adalah tanda kasih sayang dan perhatianNya kepada kita.
Mustahil anda suka senang sebentar di dunia, di akhirat yang kekal abadi nanti anda merana. Anda mahukan istidraj?

Saya yakin tidak..

Anda tenang sekarang?

Anda wajib untuk tidak berasa tenang jika anda berbuat dosa, dan anda berjaya. Sebab itulah, muhasabah diri itu penting. Untuk kita sentiasa periksa bagaimanakah hubungan kita dengan ALLAH SWT.

Aku berdosa, tetapi aku berjaya…. Berhati-hatilah kita agar jangan sampai lafaz itu, atau lafaz-lafaz yang membawa maksud serupa itu terkeluar dari mulut kita.

Mari kita sama-sama duduk, dan bermuhasabah semula.

i just dont like to share

2011-10-18T23:51:00.002+08:00

was told that i needed to learn to share when i was a child. i can now understand the concept of sharing and i too, can be generous in many ways. however, i generally prefer not to share/have to share certain things. simply because i think i dont need to share sooo many things with sooo many people tooo many time. i too, need a break from sharing.

-.-"

2011-07-12T23:29:00.004+08:00

was contemplating whether to write or not to write. contemplating whether to keep or not to keep. wasnt sure of anything at the moment. wasnt writing for longgggg coz i am trying not to spill out something that i dont wanna jinx

i dont talk much bout my prob because when i do, i usually end up having to listen to theirs or listen to their friends'/family's probs or as they say "same situation that i am at that moment" so yeah. better be quiet. and just a few minutes ago, a few minutes ago...i was trying to get some help on something that i feel i need to share and now i have to wait and err, try to help someone else be strong? not that i dont feel like being there for friends, just sometimes when i do have problems, i hope people would at least, listen. and not telling me theirs and not telling me that they can't help straightaway. and not having to listen to them making fun of me or my problem coz they think its funny.

and at the same time, i am hoping for something that i would refer to as an early birthday gift and i have been contemplating for months to either spill it out or keep it to myself as i have this weird belief that if i share it, i will definitely jinx it. -.-" and haih. keeping it for months aint easy. but since it's just something that i am hoping for (no guarantee that i'll have it anyway) so it is not as bad as trying to keep problems to myself.

please, please. dont rain on me anymore, can?

or maybe i should learn a better way of asking for help? learn a better way of asking for some sympathy?

2011-03-16T23:04:00.003+08:00

If I have the authority and the power and everything, these are some of the things im gonna tell the new students from the ppg by kpm.

1)if u are not willing to make a few sacrifices and dont want to learn simply because the class is conducted in english, can u please please quit this programme so that others can join?

2)You are fully sponsored, so please stop complaining and asking us and their big boss to help you with your travel expenses, printing bla bla bla. (As if you really cant afford to spend some for your OWN education ke? and to see that you people are driving getz, honda city, grand livina...) zaman saya belajar, rasenye duit minyak xde pulak jpa cover kot~

3)If the primary schoolchildren can learn in english, why cant you????? kenapa sampai sanggup quit programme even br register semalam simply because takut sgt belajar in english?????? x pernah ade rasa nk improve urself ke??? dha da chance ni, ape lagi...guna la kot2 4 years down the road, u speak better english than the lecturers kannn...

4)kat sekolah lepas taklimat cikgu besar, guru2 ke tlg sapu sampah, kutip bekas2 kuih, botol2 air yg budak2 tinggalkan? xle ke ade manners sket tlg bwk bekas2 air yg kosong tu buang kat luar. eeeee geram la. dhla disiplin xdak, manners pun xdak gak ka?

my god. these people's mentality kan... :( as what my brother commented when i told him what happened during the QA session, "and these are the ones we trust our kids with in primary schools?"

no, im not mad. tapi sedih. sedih sgt. this is very2 random but now i can understand la Tun Mahathir siap smpai nangis2 masa sedih pasal melayu mudah lupa tu. hmmm...

sedih lah.

2011-03-14T21:43:00.002+08:00

wearing a veil is not required in Islam but is more of a custom, depending on where you live and who's in charge.

hmm, i beg to differ. it is not a custom, its a choice/decision u made when you have knowledge about your religion.

2011-03-13T20:37:00.002+08:00

I know it is not wrong to dream. but constant daydreaming? hmm... if a friend tells u of his/her dream once or twice, it is still okay. but having to listen/read to the same ol' stories, dreams bla bla bla...kinda make me think a lot. so when is daydreaming becomes bad? i guess when you keep daydreaming and sharing your dream (or passion, as the friend would call it) only with friends, it is not something I should really care about anymore. I mean, I am always encouraging friends to do things that they like and am always happy for them if they get something that I know they have been dreaming and work for. But.... if you keep telling the same thing over and over and over again, doing nothing but dreaming and 'constantly looking for ideas' to make your dream comes true...come onnnnnnnnn. smpai bila agaknye?

I know friends are supposed to be there, encouraging, pushing each other to reach their full potential but there is always a limit. And to know that the friend keep giving excuses of this and that... makes me think that it is not worth it to be encouraging anymore.

I think sometimes we have to stop encouraging friends who dream and talk too much of their dreams and hopes (but do almost nothing to achieve it). so, if you have hopes and dreams and you work on them...I'm still okay with you. perhaps a little harsh reminder is needed kot to make the other friends realize that all talk and no action wont get you anywhere.

2010-12-29T23:54:00.003+08:00

Found an interesting arcticle somewhere (and i forgot where, haih.) on things that can make us happier :)

1. Flip through old photos

2. Munch on nuts

3. Inhale a calming scent

4. Open your shades

5. Walk around the block

6. Clear away clutter

7. Think fast

8.Cue up youtube

9. Rethink your retail therapy

10. Put on a happy face

11. Zone out

12. Chat up a friendly neighbour

13. Chop Veggies

14. Do a good deed

and ive done a few, still... not that happier. haih. at least i get to laugh and smile more tonight. :)

2010-12-26T20:58:00.000+08:00

.secretly wishes for so many things. and secretly hoping to be able to share at least some with some people.

pic taken from google.

2010-12-13T15:44:00.003+08:00

okayyyhhhh. officially 365 days of not seeing ecan. and another 108 days to go.

2010-12-02T23:22:00.001+08:00

*its december. weee. 3 months more to go. or 4. still, im excited. hehehe.

*done with the semester, alhamdulillah.

*now i shall go buy books to read.

2010-10-20T10:48:00.000+08:00

hello.

i have a question. when can i see the silver lining? been waiting for toooooo long and im afraid i'm slowly turning my back on him. been there before and i still feel bad about it so i hope i still have some faith.

second question. can my wednesday get any better? and tomorrow? and the day after tomorrow? at least forever? can?

eh, i am not complaining. i just need to cry. while eating choc cake. bye.

2010-09-20T23:39:00.001+08:00

i should really get myself a good camera so that i can continue my scrapbook. i keep on missing those sillyfunny photos and gone all the memories as well. haih. how to get a free camera lah???

2010-09-18T00:28:00.002+08:00

i wonder how can some people managed to get away with all the difficulties in planning for a marriage. luck or what?

i used to believe it when friends keep telling that i should not think too much (financually, especially) and just start planning (together with the significant other, of course) and then there WILL be some sort of rezeki from Him to help u. heck. i dont see any rezeki.yet, maybe. idk.

mayb this is a sign to put everything on hold.

ok now maybe i can spend everything first till the day i really have to start saving for a real wedding.

of mesra, cepat dan betul

2010-08-23T12:46:00.000+08:00

1.i dont know what this is called but i am experiencing this idkwhattocall withdrawal syndrome.

2.the house was broken into on friday. they took our tv and my watch. :( this is the fasting month, and still people are doing this. haih. and the living room feels empty since they took away the tv.

3.i was so frustrated with the enforcement officer whom me and abah went to see to report the case. he told us to wait for an officer to come and do some investigation. apparently, we are not allowed to touch or move anything from the scene. including the door, grill, and everything in the living room. but but, till 4.30pm nobody came (aku report pagi kot kul 8.430 pun x dtg2 ape jadah) and i called the station to check and the man answering asked me to call the person in charge, siap bg nombor lg. when asked if he can call instead of me, he said, "err, cik telefon la ye. nnt cik ckp dgn die. kan sy dh bg nombor tu". that is when i hung up. bloody hell. so much of mesra, cepat dan betul. do they expect us to wait for days br nk betulkan pintu rumah tu? so rumah x payah kunci la? x payah tutup. nk kata bodoh kang, marah. hish.

2010-08-20T16:14:00.001+08:00

2010-08-01T01:49:00.002+08:00

somehow i know, you wont understand.

2010-07-31T18:46:00.002+08:00

.i wish i can fly. :(

2010-07-23T21:35:00.002+08:00

can saya-benci-duduk-rumah-sewa-dengan-orang2-yang-suke-mengharap-saya-settlekan-semua-masalah-rumah be a reason for me to get married?

i wish.

eeeeeeeeeee....isuperhatemyhousemates.well, not all of 'em.sigh.

2010-07-09T01:52:00.003+08:00

tiba-tiba terfikir, how do i respond to others when asked for advise. because i think i dont give good advises. not because i dont listen to them but i think, there are many times i feel hurt by the advises i received. no, not because i refuse to listen and i only want to hear what i want to hear. but because i dont think they have genuine willingness to lend their ears.

you see, that's why i have trust issues. i dont know who will take me seriously even when i broke down while telling my stories. lucky u if u have at least one person who can make u feel at least, listened to.

2010-06-20T01:33:00.001+08:00

i wish i have the liberty to do everything i want.

...and the means as well.

.twice and i mean it.

july come quick

2010-06-18T21:00:00.002+08:00

well i dont usually believe in this kind of thing but obviously, i cant wait for my birthday. i dont know why but i just cant wait. hehehehe.

most are true i guess only a few made me raise my eyebrows.

2010-06-15T11:08:00.004+08:00

seeing the chaos and extreme exhaustion during the wedding, i should start now on thinking of reasons not to allow mak and abah to handle my wedding next year. eh next year? hahahaha. well, at least i should think of ways to convince them that catering is better than rewang. but to convince them, i first have to bribe mak long and atok n nenek to not to pujuk my parents to have rewang. sigh.

btw, do u know the story of those couples who met at other people's wedding and get in contact and finally get married themselves? haha. that's what happen to my brother and sis-in-law. now that i have a sister, i still dont know whether to add "kak" when calling her or not. coz i dont call my brothers abang. btw, i still find it weird having someone else calling my mom "mak". *__*

2010-06-11T01:24:00.003+08:00

among others, one of my biggest concern is that my children will end up being err, what should i call it, idk.maybe...socially unfit? no.no.no. u know, the kind of people who dont know how to act and behave when with others. ok, not that im afraid that they cant make/have friends. but i have this one colleague of mine (ok, i have 2 of them actually) who seems to be extremely frank and thought that whatever comes out from her mouth will mean nothing but what she have in mind. well, first, dia terlalu berkira. sgt berkira especially when it involves her energy and money..i have no problem with that sgt but sbb rs mcm dh too much so ta bole tahan ah.
when u see ur fren's stuff kat admin office n u see me carrying some of those stuff, boleh x jgn tanya "kenapa kene tolong org bawakkan barang dia?" nnt kan dia boleh amek sendiri. for god's sake. kawan kamu tu kan ke pregnant. tgh tunggu hari je. what is wrong with helping? the next time i see her struggling with her stuff or nmpk surat or ape2 je lah ada nama dia n she asked me for help, can i just tell her "kenapa nk kene tolong?"

ptfftthhh. ok, that is one example of perangai that i hope my children wont have.

second. i cant stop myself for wanting to slap he sometimes. no, only times when she tells me boring and unrelated stories like, how proud she is with her mother who apparently scores 3.98 for her masters despite having to raise 4 children and ask us to take a look at the family album when we were in the middle of talking about cerita anak betong. wth? or the time when she repeatedly mention of this one ustaz from indonesia whom she met in madinah last 2 weeks smpai jd sgt obses. too many times i caught her studying the map of indonesia and keep asking me "medan tu dekat dh la dgn acheh ke?. ayah sy dr acheh, dia (the ustaz) dr medan. kira dekat ke?" and things like "syaza, jom buat trip g medan...dh lama teringin g sana" apekaaaaah? b4 u went for umrah, u told me u wanted me to organise a trip to bandung. now medan? u sure it wasnt becoz u wanna visit the ustaz? eh, melalut. ok, the point is, i hope my children takkan jd org yang senang syok sendiri. takat sms/email dua tiga kali dh boleh ckp "sy rasa dia sukaaaa sgt kat sy" ckp mcm tu sekali xpe.tp if dh berpuluh lelaki br dikenali kau ckp mcm tu, x rs kau deserve disepak ke? k, tu je.

2010-06-06T21:18:00.002+08:00

when we are happy, we tend to brush off those closest to us and think that they too, have no problem and stories to tell. or sometimes, we just think that their problems are actually too trivial to be listen to.to be thought together with.
i suck at telling people my problems.not being afraid of being pitied, but ive had too many times, being made fun when trying to let out some issues. and then i just stop. u know what, no point sharing problems with people who are happy with their life. try telling your stories to those who happen to have some issues and they might listen better than those who are not. i guess it's because when we are happy, we expect everyone to be happy too.

2010-06-06T21:17:00.003+08:00

i wonder how can i make some post visible only to some people? ive seen a few in wordpressdoing it tp xtahu cmne nk buat guna blogspot.

anyway, i have a sister in law now.

2010-06-03T12:56:00.002+08:00

two reasons to be thankful today. alhamdulillah. :)

1.congratulation. now, next year texting u would cost 20cents. but that's okay coz im happy for u. :) heheheheh. weh, happy gile weh!

2. :) Thank You. now i know what it feels to be grateful to the point of tears. :)

but,

kenapa website UPNM ni suke sgt problem hah? urgh.

2010-06-01T00:24:00.006+08:00

it feels good crying and screaming in the pillow.

haish.

kan bagus if i have the ability to protect me and them loved ones from the feeling of hurt and dejected.

was thinking of typing "someone get me out of here.take me somewhere far" when i realised ive been saying it too much not realizing that i might be that someone. kot. if yes, then no wonder im stucked here not getting anywhere. maybe i should take myself out. well at least now i know i dont need u. and one day, i can go on my own, thank you.

*runnynose no more but now, batuk kering pulak haih. and gusi bengkak doesnt help when i can chew my food properly. cepatla pergi demam*

oh btw, no matter how far we have moved on, if it was there.it was there.

2010-05-31T00:53:00.003+08:00

i hope the runny nose will dry up by tomorrow. gila lah. x suka demam. :(

so many things going on in mind but lately, i couldnt find ways to let them out. i guess i prefer them to take a back seat till i explode.well, for the time being je lah. coz other times, i'll usually slip everything out especially when around people i consider extremely close to me. yeah, that's y im chatty to some and im quiet to some.

(ecan is lecturing me on how to buy a good house from the show he watched just now tp malas nk layan sgt sbb patutnye die tgh study utk exam english esok tp sibuk nk cerita pasal macam mana nak beli rumah dengan bijak. you should study lah yang, bkn bgtau cara2 beli rumah)

bercakap pasal rumah, oh hell. beli rumah rupanya bukan senang. i've learnt a lot masa beli rumah aritu and still learning now. especially pasal loan, banks and bfr.. eh ke blr? haha. x ingat. but one thing that i dont really like bout the salesperson and the people at the developer's office and kakak2 at the management office is that; when they realized my age (a.k.a noticing my age based on the ic number), they will say something like "laa...muda lagi rupenye" and start treating me mcm budak2. it is different when i tagged mak n abah along. bukan main baik lg dia layan~. ceh. sepak kang.

btw, eldest bro's wedding is in 2 weeks time meaning the nikah is within this week in kelantan. gile jauh. nasib baik rumah ecan 2 hours je maximum by car. and looking at all the preparation at home, i can say that i dont really favour malay wedding. and i hate orang kampung yg kecoh busy body. like, dtg rumah utk tolong2 n ask me "eh, ko dh kerja ni dh beli kereta ke belum? anak makcik br beli saga. elok keretenye. ko bile nk beli?" sibuk. rs mcm err... terdiam bila ditanya.sbb selalu org tanya "bila nk kawen?" je kan? haha.

sorry!

2010-05-06T15:54:00.003+08:00

i know im 6 days late. and so do you! ceh. boleh x u assked me kenapa td masa i tanya dh bulan 5 ke? ces. dua-dua pelupa. bagus betul.anyway,

Happy birthday pinat :)

here's to many wonderful years ahead :)

now u owe me iphone 4g. bye!

2010-05-04T00:20:00.003+08:00

eh, kalau kamu semua rasa kerja cikgu tu senang goyang kaki, tolonglah try jd cikgu utk sehari ye. sehari pun cukup lah. paling best try jd masa student tgh nk exam, dgn sibuk nk buat carry mark lg..dgn nk validation lg..dgn nk prepare question paper next sem lg..dgn nk melayan student yg perangai cantik lg... try la.

2010-05-02T22:19:00.002+08:00

1. if someone talk bad about your friend, will u tell him/her bout it? i wont. mak kata x baik mengadu domba. and i hate people who spread rumours and stories about others. kenapa lah suka sgt membuat org bergaduh and bermasam muka. haish.
2.i am not in the mood nk pindah rumah but i have to start packing. urgh.malasnyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

2010-05-01T21:58:00.002+08:00

1. done with all the payment and i almost cried seeing the balance. hek. ihatepayingbills.
2.as much as im happy to get the keys of my own apartment, im quite worried that i might have to cut back on so much things.haish.
oh, i feel so grown up when i called mak the other day telling her that i have the keys. and i dont like feeling all grown up.
4.i miss pinat so much that sometimes i get cranky and moody with him.and i keep falling asleep in front of the laptop. bengong lah.

bosan gile

2010-04-22T21:23:00.000+08:00

i desperately need a new hobbby

2010-04-12T21:39:00.002+08:00

ok, im cant do this on fb. so lemme just let it all out here.

dear ****, u should be thankful that ecan is not me. seriously i hate you for life.

bye.

2010-04-12T15:26:00.002+08:00

one of the reasons why sometimes i hate proofreading:

when i correct the citation and they argue that they have their own preference when citing from sources.

like, make up ur mind la. guna dua-dua APA n MLA in one paper and salah lak tu tulis citation.
and somehow in the end, u asked for me to check the citation again sbb dh kene sound dgn supervisor. duh. tanak pulak mengaku salah aritu argue dgn aku.

2010-03-31T20:25:00.000+08:00

i want to have my own baby. mine.

2010-03-01T08:24:00.002+08:00

if only i am still a fulltime student,

i can lie down staring at the ceiling for hours daydreaming.

and the best part would be, i dont have to cover the eyebags so hard they look like tepung gomak. and i can sleep all day long, in an attempt to forget everything.

dear syaza. stop hoping.coz when u hope, u plan.

oh well, y la i sound so depressed here?

when the heart cries

2010-02-22T21:45:00.003+08:00

what if i stop waiting?
i dont think i still have all the time to wait.

2010-02-21T17:49:00.002+08:00

i have always thought that we can only be bestfriends with people who are almost always around us. i mean, we have our own childhood bestfriends, highschool besties and colleges bff. well, at least i have.

but as i grow wiser, i now think that it is diffrerent with me. i tend to have more best friends who are physically far far away from me. reaching each other only like a few times in a months through sms/fb/blogs. i dont do calls. i dont know why. i usually wait for calls but i rarely call them. i guess its because i always think that i have nothing good to tell.the life is not as fun and exciting as theirs so yeah, im happy when they call and talk talk talk talk and all i do is listen and nod and smile.

so anyway, i sometimes envy others who get to be with their friends almost 24/7 coz i think that they live a happier life with the friends around them almost every day. yada yada yada. the point is, im happy that i have best friends who never forget to text n call me every now and then; even just to say HI! though the distance is keeping us apart all these while. :)

excuses

2010-02-13T20:02:00.002+08:00

1.notice that when we disagree with a certain action, we tend to condemn people who are doing it. but, when it comes to your most favourite/closest person... u tend to say "oh, with him/her its different bla bla bla bla."
and why do you have to always make excuses for them, i dont know.

2.i think my attempt to be more feminine and ladylike has failed. uwargh.

3.thank god dr.mahmud didnt question much on my research topic. phew. just hope i can surpass his expectation.

4.i want to get married but does the heart wants to?

of skype

2010-02-12T21:58:00.002+08:00

bercinta di skype kadang2 buat aku jd frustrated.
haih.
dont know how can i survive without internet, laptop,webcam n hp.
365++ kelihatan mcm lama lagi. =(

i need my mojo.

2010-02-11T12:08:00.003+08:00

it is actually easy to check if im not okay or im stressed. no, it wont show on my face. but u can check my spending. heh. ive spent soooooo much this month and i cant seem to stop. march, please come soon. so that i can stop feeling guilty for spending too much in february. gah~
ok. this is another thing i thought i will never say out loud. well, maybe ive mentioned this to a few good friends before, and my mak.

I feel like quitting masters. =(

i am all over the place right now. with the commitment at work. why oh why they choose me to be the head for social community service ape tah name die. hish.

ok, i have to run now. nak pegi amek baju kat teras jernang nk amek duit, isi minyak, top up tng bla2...... wa pokai maaaa....

2010-02-09T21:36:00.004+08:00

as much as i love buying shoes, i think the kind of job im stucked with (only for the time being, i hope) doesnt allow me to wear those heels. =( mmg cari nahas la kan nk pakai kasut tinggi2 macam tu g keje when i have to walk here n there all day long.

dont expect to stuff all your shopping bags in my trunk somemore sbb all the space dh taken up by the shoes. i cannot leave the shoes at home lah. i just cannot. the car is like my walking closet minus the baju. theres this one time my housemates and i went for jcard day sale and we went crazy beli itu ini smpai comforter, nightdress, bantal, towel pun semua aku beli and at the end of the day semua org panic mane nk letak barang2 sbb xde space. hahah. padan muka lah kan.

baideway, brown cow...i am sooooo sad. ecang wont allow me visit him again. tiket g japan tgh murah ok. but i know, he wont let me visit him again for winter sbb die dhnk balik for good. how now brown cow.... i wanna go...

haih.

oh brown cow, pls dont defy happiness. ok? *hugzz* and your umiyage and ayu's origami papers pun x bagi2 lagi. and i bought u people some chocolates. hope x expired lg. ;p hehe. aimissyu brown cow!!!!!!

2010-02-01T15:37:00.002+08:00

there could be million reasons for me to feel depressed. and i never thought that this could be one of the reasons;

20++ missed calls from a student!

shit gile. seryes aku bengang tahap dewa skrg. i dont have answers to all your questions you silly.i am not the one you should see/ask when it comes to your academic enquiries. shit gila. cant u just go n see the person in charge kat academic tu? y do u hv to keep asking me bile ko x dpt cari org yg berkenaan tu ha? ko ingat aku nanny die ke?

urgh. seryes aku bengang gile. with the piling assignments and everything at home lagi... i can go crazy la mcm ni. urgh!

2010-01-18T15:16:00.002+08:00

i dont usually turn to panadol whenever im sick. nor did i go to see the doc coz god knows how i hate seeing doctors and taking medicine. never finished any of mine actually. and that could be the reason y i am easily attacked by illnes.
however, i have no choice other than to take some panadol actifast today. and it really works. haha. except that it didnt stop the flu. now i dont know if actifast can be used for flu or fever. and i went to the nearest 7e to get hurix's punye fluaway but out of stock so i bought the actifast. now, i am thinking of ways to post panadol to japan. can i actually do that? i once posted some ointments and balms etc and fuh naseb baik x kene confiscate. but panadol.... hmm... kang diorg ingat aku jual dadah la pulak.

2010-01-15T09:41:00.004+08:00

somehow when i know dat im going to have a bad day/week/month and worst, in my case; year *cough*... i will just tuck in all the thoughts somewhere at the back of ur head and not let it haunt me and spoil my mood. however, sometimes, i just cant help but let out the tears. and it sucks especially when u have doubts of which friend should you call at times like this coz u are a freak who thinks that u should never menyusahkan ur friends with ur silly problems.
u see, i used to think that when we are friends, we really are friends. but somehow, i started to realize that im starting to classify friends into groups of people that serves different functions for me. and it really is hard for me to really let my heart out because of the many experiences of being ridiculed when what u really want is actually support. i guess i am not good at asking help and support from friends... and somehow, i can see that it hurts whenever i am with some people who are supposed to make me happy. seriously, how long can u sabar when everything u said is being made fun of? and when nobody actually listen to u.

okay, i think im sick and tired of being told to grow up if growing up means having to bottle up everything inside just to let the world know that u are matured enough.

2010-01-08T16:04:00.001+08:00

last night i was hoping that i can skip friday.
now im hoping i can skip saturday, sunday, monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday.

lets just hope i can bring myself up once this is done.

2010-01-06T12:28:00.003+08:00

i wonder how can people can claim that they easily get some sort of signs etc. when they perform istikharah. i mean, mak always told me that i should do it a few times till i am really really sure of the decision to take. and she mentioned that one should be carefull of the things he/she do everyday so not to terbuat those inappropriate things that can deter the results of the istikharah.

but...but... there's sooooooo many people around me claiming that they did istikharah last night and today, they know who stole their laptops, they know who is backmouthing them... erk??

how i really wish i can easily get inspired with just one istikharah.

2010-01-03T23:56:00.000+08:00

this is not a good start a for a not-so-good year. can i skip 2010 pls?

2009-12-27T00:52:00.002+08:00

kanashii.kanashii.kanashii.kanashii.kanashii.
kanashii.kanashii.kanashii.kanashii.kanashii.
what if i stop to care and be a copycat of u?

when jealousy kicks

2009-12-26T01:54:00.001+08:00

i think i should get myself busy. so that i wont throw tantrum whenever we talk.
gah.

2009-12-19T21:37:00.002+08:00

1.memerlukan sebuah handphone. urgh. kalaula harge hp tu seploh doploh ringgit kan best. :(
marilah berdoa supaya abang no. 2 akan memberi hpnye (yg katenye nk ditukar kpd blackberry) secara percume. tp mcm mustahil la sbb die br beli hp tu sebulan.

urgh lagi. bila hp rosak, rs mcm patah kaki. serupa bila kereta pun rosak.

2.rindu gile kat budak kat jepun. rindu gile ok. rindu gile. rindu gile. die je x rindu aku. tsk.

2009-12-14T23:05:00.001+08:00

kecik hatinyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
gah. kecik hati sgt. serius. tsk. sedih gile.

2009-12-14T11:07:00.002+08:00

Dia kata & Aku Kata by Zahiril Adzim

Sayang betul dia kat aku.
Aku buat salah teruk, dia menangis satu malam.
Dan kemudian esok pagi, dia jumpa aku, dia tersenyum.
Kesalahan aku memang tak layak untuk terima senyuman tu.
Apakah memang ada manusia yang murni macam ni?
Dia nak marah, tapi dia nak ketawa.
Dia nak pukul, tapi dia nak ketawa lagi.
Dia nak tunjal kepala aku, tapi dia takut kepala aku sakit.
Dia nak lepaskan kemarahan dia, tapi dia takut aku terasa.
Dia nak merajuk, tapi dia nak berbual dengan aku.
Dia nak paling muka, tapi dia nak tengok muka aku.
Dia nak menangis, tapi dia tak nak bersedih masa tu.
Dia nak maafkan aku, sebab dia nak terus sayang aku.
Dia kata aku bodoh, aku kata, memang.
Dia kata aku tak fikir, aku kata tu lar pasal.
Dia kata aku tak guna otak, aku kata itu betul.
Dia kata aku bangang, aku kata paling bangang.
Dia kata aku jahat, aku kata takda niat.
Dia kata aku takut bila buat salah, aku kata takut gila.
Dia kata dah agak dah, aku kagum dengan firasat dia.
Dia dah tak tahu nak kata apa, aku kata, jangan kata apa, pukul je.
Dia dah tak nak pukul, aku kata maaf.
Dia tanya dah makan? Aku kata nak makan sama.Dia kata jom.
Aku kata dalam hati.."Tuhan, kalau betul dia jodoh, biar aku lawan untuk jodoh ini!"

i

2009-12-12T17:08:00.000+08:00

am going to miss you. much.

2009-12-10T14:44:00.003+08:00

i think i miss my mom.

tak tahulah kalau kami ni rapat mcm org lain yg rapat dgn mak2 diorg. sbb selalu gak la rasa mcm jealous bila tgk gambar2/baca blog2 org lain pasal their day out with mak diorg sbb i dont really have that many pictures with my mom.and my family. kenape eh?

i guess, dulu mcm rasa segan nk amek2 gamba sbb tanak my family tau perangai yg sebenar. kind of konon2 dpn kawan2 perangai lain tp dpn family perangai lain. cmtulah kononnye. but then lama2 mcm dh x kesah pun bila diorg tau mcm mana perangai bile dgn kawan2. and skrg mcm dh rasa x kesah la diorg tau semua benda. hahah.

maybe bila dh besar ni mula rapat balik ngan family. mayb sbb tu lah bila dh besar ni br nk manja2 ngan abg2 mintak itu ini. hahahah. dulu mana ada.

i only have my two elder brothers and xde kakak or adik. n growing up with them mcm buat aku ala2 perangai jantan sket. well, thats wat they said la. so masa kecik kalau main pun jenis tumbuk2 and lawan2 pukul2. kalau nk main yg girly2 tu, main sorg2 la. ade this one picture, the second brother kot yg amek sbb die nk tunjuk betape loser nye aku sbb main masak2 sorg2 n berangan sorg2. sengal.

n then we went to boarding school. and mayb, ni la reason masing2 x rapat. bile cuti sekolah masing2 mcm wat x tau je. ade family outing pun mcm cold je memasing.

i started to realize yg diorg mcm start tunjuk concern n mcm protective kat adik diorg ni since masing2 dh keje ni. haha. mayb diorg mcm xle accept aku dh bekerja n bukan bdk kecik lg kot so diorg mcm treat aku mcm org yg paling perlu diprotect. aish, kdg2 terharu tp kdg2 rimas pun ade.

tapi yang best kitorg dh leh share cerita macam2 and xdela poyo nk aving2 knon sbb x cool la cerita kat abg/adik perempuan. haha.

ok, skrg ni rindu mak ke rindu abang2? haha.

2009-12-05T16:37:00.000+08:00

haih. if only i have my on gps. i would walk on my own. instead of being hold hostage.. hmmppffh.

2009-12-02T14:45:00.019+08:00

this reminds me of you!

2009-11-30T11:31:00.003+08:00

hehe.

2009-11-24T14:57:00.002+08:00

arrived in tokyo last sunday n went to disneylnd yesterday. i feel like sleeping the whole day today since ecan is at school and im left alone with nothing to do.
the weather disguise the time really. its already 4 but since i didnt even open the window, it seems like 6 or 7 am. haha. and ive been surfing for like... err, 5 hours? hahah
i hate taking showers sbb sejuk once u step out of the bilik mandi and man, they dont have kunci kat pintu toilet here. dang.
ecan take me to his school semalam tp masa tu dh gelap gelita so x nmpk apa sgt.
lapar gile.
ugh. nak letak gamba tp x reti guna pc nih -_-"

2009-11-19T01:31:00.002+08:00

i know i'll miss a lot of fun when im moody. blame the mood swing again.
i wonder how can people stay happy+bubbly all the time. all the time. dont they get tired?
i get annoyed easily these past few days and still, i am cranky as hell right now.

2009-11-17T06:35:00.002+08:00

another 4 days before i start my days with no worries (worrying to burn a hole in your pocket doesnt count kan sayang? haha)

started marking the students' exam paper n the answer scheme is not helping at all. i sometimes wonder why do we have to restrict students imagination soar? why cant we let the students think of their own answer rather than following the textbook religiously? and why the hell is the answer scheme copying the exact same answer from the textbook. -_-" i pity my students.

everytime i finish teaching a chapter (im teaching business comm. bytheway) we'll have some discussion and if the students have difficulty remembering the points (like y do they have to memorize the keypoints when writing a letter?) we'll try to think of things that are easily remembered so that i dont get straight-from-the-textbook-kind-of-answers in my quiz. and i think, being able to write a good letter/proposal/minutes/notice/memo etc is more important than asking them to memorise all the jargons used in the course.

platitudes? gobbledegook? itu pun keluar in exam?gosh. these 2 terms are not important lah (Because they are not majoring in comm./business/english). as long as they know what platitudes and gobbledegook are cukupla. x perlula tanya dlm soalan final exam. ade ke masa kerja nnt bos tanya 'ok, tell me why can u use too much jargon in ur writing?" n the bos expect u to answer "it'll produce a platitude" -_-". i think enuff la diorg juz answer "nnt jd cliche" pls ask more on writing la instead of terms. i dont really like it when im teaching and have to focus n make sure my students memorise all the terms sbb i think if they know ho to write a good piece of work, they should automatically understand all the terms and concepts. i'd rather them understand than memorize.

haih. i seriously believe that the exam system is making students memorize to survive instead of testing their ability to be critical and creative on their own.

2009-11-12T00:38:00.003+08:00

love can be blind and deaf at times. well, most of the time.
women make excuses for their err... unfaithful husbands. and we make excuses for our friends. i guess, when i start making excuses for a friend's quirky behaviour, i believe i am starting to accpet them as they are... and when i start to ignore all the man's quirkiness, i think im ready to be lovey dovey. =)well, im blind and deaf when im with the closest friends and him i guess. ;p

but but...one problem.im not comfortable with my emotions when im with my friends. just hope they know i love them.

gile ah. semua org dah ade haluan masing2. if skrg nk berjumpe pun agak susah, i wonder what will happen bila semua dh kawin n start their family nnt. sigh.

nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them, kan?

i miss my friends. badly.

2009-11-10T21:43:00.003+08:00

yaaaaaaawwwwwnnnnnn~

tengah kemas2 kereta tadi bile perasan but kereta tu dh penuh. now, this is one of the reasons i can install ngv in my car. hahah. kereta tu dah mcm almari bergerak. like one of my niece cakap; "acik ni kenapa belakang ni semua barang pun ada". haha. i used to have sleepover almost everyday when i was in uni. so i kind of develop this habit of having extra everything in the car. i have mini toiletries, extra handbag, telekung, and baju and.... kasut yg mcm x terpakai tapi tah kenapa dibeli pun xtau. -_-". so that if i ever have to tido rumah sesape tah, i can still at least wash my face and brush my teeth. hahah.

but i am trying to make some space sbb mcm susah plak kalau balik shopping barang2 x tau nk letak mana.

speaking of shopping~~ uh, sukenye tgk kasut ni... tapi xle beli. tsk tsk. sbb kene tunggu 2-4 weeks n i know i cant wait that long.

bercerita pada siapa?

2009-11-08T00:08:00.003+08:00

dulu selalu lepak dgn roomate dlm compartment dia. seronok masa tu. dia atas kerusi dok sibuk siapkan loose die... n i'll lie on her bed berborak2 smpaila kdg2 tertido. bangun pagi buta terus masuk bilik sambung tdo atas katil sendiri smpaila subuh. fuh. best gile zaman tu.

one of the things yg kitorg selalu cerita is nak mengadu/bercerita pada siapa bila rasa nk bercerita. and most of the time, kitorg agree yg dh bosan kalau dgr jawapan "mengadulah pd tuhan, Dia kan mendengar". yes, true that He'll listen. and true that He'll never leave us alone. but there are times when we need to get responses bila bercerita. kalau nk kata Dia akan respon bila dgr aku cerita nnt aku sendiri leh jd gila. so, y not if u stop telling ur fren to ask from Him bila u tgk dia dh mcm asek2 bg hint yg nk bercerita pasal something tapi x tercerita pun benda tu. y not if u try ask and maybe she'll start talking... just ask. =)

some people need assurance. like yours truly here. haih.

2009-11-07T23:22:00.003+08:00

orang selalu kata, "aim for the stars, even if you miss, you'll land on the moon".
but what if you aim for the stars, miss it and didnt land on the moon. you land on the shit.

i noticed that i am quite optimistic no matter how much i told myself that i am not. isnt it a denial to be optimist coz reality doesnt always agree with an optimist.

nevermind, it doesnt hurt to be optimistic. i can always cry later.

2009-11-01T11:54:00.001+08:00

tadi jalan2 jumpe ini:
hehe... kurusnye dulu~ xpe xpe. gemuk pun xpe kan... hahaha.

2009-10-28T16:58:00.001+08:00

a messy break up hurts so much. hang on there fren. =)

urgh.

2009-10-26T16:42:00.002+08:00

wow. more than a month. clap clap. haha.

1. i thought i'd have headache having to mark all the students' papers and reports and proposal for the business comm. class. turns out that marking the proposal took me only 5 minutes and the reports took me around 15 minutes. mind you, i have 30 students in the class.
it was sad actually seeing and reading their work. i tried so hard to help them but there's not much i can do.

2. i cant really say that im relieved having survived yet another semester since i havent sit for the exams. haha. but...too lazy to study. haih.

3. im nervous and scared. for the visa application. ya allah, there's soooo many things to be done and checked and approved. malasnyeeeeeeeeee. (but sayang u dont worry ok.i'll get the visa asap. n u dont go mad la ngan org2 embassy tu k. hehe..biasela birokrasi~)

ok.must continue marking before 5.30. chow.

it was an emotional day yesterday. 090909

2009-09-10T10:23:00.002+08:00

1. theres so many unpublished post i dont even feel like posting. ape tah.
2.i somehow feels like ive changed my perspective in seeing the world.and the people in it.call me lame an old-fashioned.
3.i envy people.some people whose life is always better in my own opinion. but then again, who doest envy others?
4.sometimes, i think that there should be a line in making fun and joke around even with friends.
5.i hate talking. even when i am with people i am comfortable with.

a week before the red flag

2009-08-09T20:58:00.002+08:00

.i feel funny and happy. and i feel scared and sad. ironic.

.when i was small, i always want to grow up fast. but now i dont. the only reason that i wish i could skip 3 years (this is 2009) into the future is so that i can be a good wife with a loving filthy rich husband *cough* doing things that i like. so what do i like? dont ask. i'll give u different answers each time u ask. reason is... i dont like sharing it with others. people make fun of me all the time but thats ok as long as i count u as my friend. *if not, i might despise u* but, i dont think i can hold it if people make fun of what i really2 like what i really really want to do in life. count urself as my most trusted friend if i ever tell u what that is.

.seriously, i cant make people take me seriously so y bother be serious.

.i need a muse.all the time.and i hope this could be temporary.coz i dont think a muse can stand being with me till death. i make them run away most of the time.

menyedapkan hati sendiri

2009-07-31T18:06:00.003+08:00

i was thinking if i cud have more, maybe i can give more.oh.and do more. like..whenever i see something i like...i'll start thinking of friends and family that might like the same thing and then i will start thinking if only i have more to spend, i cud buy them this and that and that and that one also. -_-" haha. see see...how nice i am kan... at least i always think of u people. hehe.

but i think if i have more, perhaps i wont be able to be what i am today. maybe...just maybe.. i wont be as berjimat cermat as i am right now. ha ha. thank god the bf is always more careful with his spending. or else, matilah aku lepas kawin nnt kalau dua-dua x reti simpan duit. hehe.

bought 3 pairs of shoes this month. and to justify myself, i said this to kak dayah: emm..emm...kasut ni untuk pegi kerja.so x kacau kasut2 lain. but i end up alternating shoes ikut warna baju. hadeh. need to stop that.hahah.xpe, those shoes are bought using my birthday voucher except for the grey pumps -_-"

now i need to think of my spending coz raya nanti mesti kena pakai byk duit. haish haish.

oh hey, i am very2 happy that my brother is going to buy me something i REALLY REALLY want for my birthday. hehe. =)

2009-07-29T13:18:00.001+08:00

and so i am now 23. thanks for all the wishes people.

and now i cant wait for november. hee hee.

alhamdulillah.i am grateful.

see...i judge people tru observations. haha

2009-07-21T11:52:00.000+08:00

July
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood.Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets.Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying.

*no difficulties in studying? tsk.*

haih...

2009-07-19T00:27:00.003+08:00

healing a wound is not that easy.though the scar is gone, u'll never see the cut inside. the more u try to cover it, the more u learn the pain it brings. if u try to ignore it, sooner or later it'll come back. there's always a way for the past to get to us kan? *sigh*

the day i hate being in my room

2009-07-12T23:49:00.003+08:00

have i ever mention about the badminton court/club/pusat lepak next to my house?
they are having this closed tournament since friday and right now...right now, i am so mad that they are still not done. weyh..dh tgh malam agaknye...n i have to work tomorrow.the other neighbours have to work too. -_-"
dah la semalam ada karaoke sekali. pukul 2 pun ade org melalak2 sebelum kene marah ngan sape tah br senyap.benci betul.jalan dpn rumah penuh org parking.nk keluar rumah pun susah.
haih.i dont mind when people gather and do something good like playing sports but what makes me annoyed is the noise that they make. gosh.
and whats more annoying is when u can hear little children still playing around till midnight. can u believe they bring along their little kids to lepak2 with their friends past midnight? plus, i dont like seeing kids playing around since morning till malam. kadang2 my mom selamba je tanye budak2 tu x balik belajar/buat hw ke? n there's a few times when my mom chase them because they were playing during maghrib. x hormat langsung.i wonder where their parents are.
ok, back to the tournament which is still going on (12.30 am -_-")... serius rasa nak jerit dari tingkap bilik ni suruh diorg berambus. pening a 3 hari straight bising2 xle tido. benci tau.
n since my bedroom is facing the court, i can clearly hear everything. and just now, someone is talking about how the people there are doing ibadah and dakwah.i just cant stop myself from laughing when i heard who-ever-the-speaker-is, telling them that they should not think that just because they dis not read the quran or perform all the solat sunat at night since last friday because of the tournament, they cant go to heaven. simply because what they are doing is considered ibadah n dakwah. fine, i cant say anything here but but but.... if u mix ibadah and entertainment plus, the men and women mixing around and the karaoke and missing the solat isya' on time for the sake of the tournament (it is also possible that some did miss their magrib prayers as well) bla bla bla...pls...dont talk about heaven n hell. tidak sesuai. oh, dont get me wrong, i just dont like it when unsuitable (and unqualified people) talk about religion at the wrong place, at the wrong time.i know, the intention might be good but i just dont like it.

2009-07-09T09:42:00.002+08:00

i have nothing against people who call others as "bang" or "kak" (oh but i dont like it when a guy call me "kak long" with the rempit intonation, of course.i dont know why... but that is just annoying). wouldnt it be nicer if we call others as "cik/miss" or "puan/Mdm" for example?

weee~ teyha dh ada lesen. lpas ni leh naik keta dia ;p

bitter

2009-06-29T22:49:00.009+08:00

hmmph.
senangnye hati jadi kecik secara tiba2.ingatkan kanak2 je yang mudah terasa hati. rupa2nya orang dewasa lagi lah. oh ye, lupe lak. hati orang2 tua lagi la senang jadi kecik. so sensitivity increases with age ke ye?
how we always think that we know everything around us.how we always believe that we know what's best for us. oh how we are always in the wrong. so wrong.
god. benci gila semua. penat gila. nak menyorok dalam selimut tebal xmau bangun pagi xmau pegi kerja.kan seronok kalau ada poket doremon.boleh mintak pegi tempat yang jauh.mcm tempat yang nobita selalu create masa dia sedih or jeles dgn kawan-kawan.
oh..sekarang rasa macam nak g beli punch bag pulak.ade x punch bag yang comel2 dan murah?the last time i check, punch bag besar yang gantung kat siling tu mahal gak la..yg brand everlast.eh, everlast ke everest? -_-"
dem, x sukenye bulan julai dahnak dekat.seryes x suke.ini bukan pancing hadiah ye.harap maklum.memang x suka bulan julai. hmmph.
oh lagi sekali.in relation to previous entry, teringat lagi mak cakap... kadang2 Tuhan bagi orang seronok pun bukan mesti sebab itu reward.kalau itu ujian yang Tuhan bagi utk orang tu, kita tahu ke?
ok lah, banyaknye fikir.asal la banyak sgt berfikir.kalau byk fikir pastu jadi ahli fikir xpe gak.ni bila fikir fikir n fikir, lama2 jadi bitter.and cold.padan muka.
oh oh lagi...agak2 kalau g tgk search tu sorang2 selamat x? haha. ehm, rasa nk drive g naik kaki bukit bawah rumah yusof haslam tu la.tgk view KL.cantik.and tenang. tapi selalu tgk waktu petang2 mcm tu.malam2 pernah g byk kali tp x berani stop.sbb takut belakang tu sunyi n hutan. haih.